I came across this weird video where libertarian welfare queen™ Stefan Molyneux
works out his mommy issues on his viewers calmly and rationally explains why women are evil for wearing make up. So, naturally I thought it’d be fun to do a little parody. Below is the transcript and video.*
Recently internet philosopher Stefan Molyneux made a video titled The Truth About Make Up in which he made the point that women who wear make up are deceiving men into believing they are more fertile than they really are so they can extract resources from the men. Interesting point.
But I don’t think it goes far enough.
You see, women also use clothing (or lack thereof) to signal the sturdiness of their eggs. We use our skin, shoulders, necks, thighs, and yes—even ankles—to seduce men into the false comfort of fertility.
Not only should make up be forbidden for women to wear, but so should certain types of clothing. Did you know that Neanderthals invented clothing as a way to hide so they could more easily stalk their prey? Similarly, the modern female shamelessly uses the same techniques. You have to ask yourself, why would women use such primitive techniques? And even more so, who are their prey?
Truth be told, it’s you—the resource rich and protective male. These succubae entrap you with the provocative movement of their hips accentuated by wearing flowing dresses or so called skin tight skinny jeans. Cute. Except for the fact that these hosebeasts are likely trying to appear much younger in order to steal your life force with their rotten hoo-hoos before they are too washed up to even be passable as human beings. It’s disgusting that they use spanx to hide their own self loathing and deceit.
And don’t get me started on shorts and tank tops that push up the breasts and ass like some rap guys girlfriend or something. Good god, show some self respect! Might as well be advertising with that kind of clothing. Men, do you really want someone like that to be the future mother of your children?
But I have a solution. In order to cover up the transgressions of these wiles, women could instead take the virtuous route. There’s no shame in being wholesome, ladies. Put those stripper heels and make up and sexy little blouses away—you don’t need them if you are truly honorable.
From now on, women should wear ankle and wrist length, formless burlap sacks. The no make up goes without saying but just a reminder that you wouldn’t want to appear completely dishonest now would you? And forget about sprucing up your burlap sacks with any colors, we all know colors like red signal overt promiscuity. The color red was actually invented by ladies of the night—also known as hookers—as a way to tell prospective clients that they were sexually available. Now ladies, you wouldn’t want to be mistaken for a hooker would you?
Brown is an admirable and rational color. It says “I am able to work with equal effort alongside my fellow comrades and make for a suitable egg producer.” Men need to be careful of the treasonous tools women have in their arsenal to manipulate and leech off of hard working men. From make up to clothing, these Neanderthalic predators will stop at nothing to extract resources as their own condition is one of weakness, emotional and intellectual inferiority. They even use something as insidious as shampoo and even shaving to mask the true nature of their follicles. Real women have no such need of products as their knotted hair signifies someone who is down to earth and their fuzzy legs say, “I’m not a woman who’s vanity transcends logical expressions of my own humanity.”
So women, if you could just fight against your savage nature to accumulate material possessions for a false feeling of comfort and security, maybe you too could one day ascend to a masculine form of self-actualization. So ladies, remember, wear a burlap sack with no make up and knotted hair…or you’re just another estrogen based parasite.
*Just wanted to point out the irony of Stefan Molyneux saying women are using deceptive practices to swindle men out of their money but…that’s none of my business.